Process essay timed

The most disgusting and vile creatures I have had to deal with in my life are my wife's two cats Merlin and Ginger! I know what your thinking how can two soft, furry little kitties be so bad. Well the one thing in this world I hate the most is cat piss and you never know where your going to find it. Unfortunately for me I have found it almost everywhere you could imagine. Cats are also impossible to figure out, one minute they want some love and the next they are clawing the shit out of your leg. When you toss them out of your second story window they will just land on their feet and look up at you with a smug look as if to say" ha ha asshole nice try". When you let them outside they just hang around the garage and poop on your tool bench and sooner or later the wife will hear them whine and let them back in asking the whole house "who let the cats out?". I find it best to stay on their good side as difficult as it may be. There are three things I do on a daily basis in hopes of making these two snobs happy. I check their restroom, I give them food,water, and just a little bit of love followed by my secret weapon.

Upon arriving home from work I take a moment to pray that the monsters who occupy the second floor have not peed on anything since I left for work. I briefly go over my battle plan in my head and then make the terrifying journey up stairs to confront my fate. I check the laundry room for signs of pussy and then make my way into my office. After checking the office I head to check point two the master bedroom. After clearing check point two and finding no trace of cat urine I can abandon operation kill the fur ball and report for clean up duty. Once in the master bathroom home to the feline's potty I fire up the cat scoop and proceed to execute operation toxic waste removal. With my gas mask firmly attached or my t-shirt pulled up high enough to cover my nose, I clean out any clumps the dynamic duo have left behind. My next step is to add just a cup full of fresh cat litter to the box. Once I have completed the mission charlie comes in and starts dropping bombs in the freshly cleaned cat box. God for bid it stays clean for two seconds, but at least they are happy and going in the box instead of my clean laundry basket!

While the cats are polluting the cat box I move onto step two, the dealing out of their daily rations. Both Merlin and Ginger get two scoops of Seafood delight. I always feed Merlin first, and his food must go into the blue bowl. Ginger goes next because she is the younger sister and her food must be placed in the pink bowl that displays her name. My wife insists that they each need their own food bowl even though each one has two sides. Neither one of her cats will drink water from the other side of their bowl. Water and food can not be that close to each other I guess it must be a cat thing because my dogs don't give a dam as long as they get their food and water. I could mix the two and they still would be happy. Next I proceed to the watering hole or the bathroom sink which ever you prefer. Like I said they wont drink from their bowls so I must fill the sink with fresh water. The felines don't even drink right for god sake they dip their front paw into the water and then lick it off. So weird. After the feeding both cats expect me to put them through an exhausting PT session. The session lasts for about five minutes and then they must hit the head and report to the barracks (my bed) for lights out. Once they have had there fill of playing and being loved I get a break from cat duty.

After a few hours of R&R the flea bags are full of piss and vinegar. I know because this is usually when they get me via a sneak attack. All of a sudden I can feel sharp claws through my slippers as I send them flying across the room. The bad part of this is they come right back after me with a relentless attack and I'm forced to either stay and fight or retreat back down stairs to the safe zone. Back at the HQ or the kitchen I prepare for war restocking my supplies (sneakers, water bottle, laser pointer) and prepare the secret weapon. Sometimes I even call on my allies (my son Nathan and daughter Maria) for support. I hump it back in about three clicks and unleash hell spraying my water bottle like a machine gun. With my enemies subdued I usually have enough time to deploy my secret weapon CAT NIP or as I call it kitty weed. One taste of the kitty weed and these hairballs are putty in my hand.

I stand over my fallen enemies victorious and I know I have won the battle, but tomorrow is another day and there will be more battles to fight. As long as I have my battle plan and a heavy supply of kitty weed the war will remain within my grasps or at the very least the cats will remain happy for another day and my clothes will remain pee free.